I'm Terrified of D&D

And my plan to overcome it.

Let me clarify, I’m terrified of DM’ing D&D. 

Due to a complicated system of chains and pulleys, I am scheduled to become the DM for a table of high schoolers on the 25th of Aug. Compounding that, this is a table that I have been a player at for the past year. Now, I, the adult, am supposed to step in and … and … I don’t really know.

Seriously, I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I’ve watched hours of YouTube videos, read my share of articles, studied the DMs of my various games, but now it is my turn? I’m as lost as a mimic in a Hall of Mirrors. So what do I do? How do I do it? When do I do it?

My first reaction was to post my panic on the Gamers XP Discord. That was my only access to a group of folks who could empathize with my plight. Within the hour, I was flooded with emotional reassurances that, while definitely encouraging, only reduced my anxiety by a few degrees. Then, I started getting more detailed advice, specific You Tubers were endorsed (the main two of which, I was thankfully already a subscriber); a bare bones list of absolute must-haves was offered; offers of loaner DMGs. Appealing to the Discord membership was the wisest choice I could have made. 

I came away from that with a short list of necessities: dice, pencils, paper, general idea of the adventure, minis. It was time to take inventory. Since I am a fledgling dice goblin, I do have a small peach jar of random dice ready to go. They’re cheap and boring, but will suffice for my needs and as a loaner set to a forgetful player (who am I kidding, teens don’t ever forget stuff). Pencils and paper? I’m in my thirtieth year as a professional educator; I have school supplies. Those years have also made me accustomed to providing these items to the never-forgetful teenager. A general idea of an adventure? Let’s stick a pin in that one for a minute. 

Minis; a word about minis. Over the past year and a half, I have somewhat successfully avoided falling into the side obsession of minis. Each week I lasciviously ogle the inventory at Gamers XP careful to stay on this side of coveting. Minis are impressive yet overwhelming.  Even if I was to dive off into amassing miniatures, where would I even begin? I have limited myself to one mini of my gnome druid and one of his Wild Shape forms. Now that I am evolving into a DM, how much of my fiscal resources must I devote to these wonderfully crafted representations of imaginary creatures? 

Let’s unpin that “general idea of an adventure” thing. I have a confession to make. Despite literally only being in the D&D world for (insert tapping of a 1970s adding machine) fifteen months, it did not take me long to realize that yes, one day, I would inevitably have to be a DM somewhere for someone. Call it the inability to avoid responsibility. It is a gift. That said, I have taken full advantage of free downloads and special offers from a host of content creators such that I have a couple of binders of said adventures. It was totally ridiculous and unnecessary for a player to collect such things; but alas, I know myself. So problem solved right? Not hardly. Where do I start? Which do I pick? Ugh!

Here’s where watching all those You Tube videos has helped. I can sand this topic down with a Session Zero. On the 25th, or perhaps prior, I will survey the players to find out if they have any suggestions. I know I want to stick to something “true” to D&D, probably the Forgotten Realms, under no circumstances will it be the Fey Wilds! (THAT is an article unto itself for later). I want something easy for me to access resources (D&D Beyond) with very little homebrewing to start with. I think I will be okay with the setting. 

As for a plot outline? Honestly, I’ve got nine days before D&D Day and I’m just not mentally there yet. I have no firm idea of conflict, BBEG, complications, nothing. For the sake of transparency, I’m just hoping it will fall together in time. The most-given advice was to pick a one-shot and tie something on the back end of it. I like that, but I am having a mental block just making the commitment. Please, no guy-can’t-commit comments; I’m thirty years into a career in public education and twenty three into a marriage. This is different. This is important. (Don’t worry. Neither my wife nor my principal will ever read this, or care)

Oh! One other thing I don’t have is a Dungeon Master’s Guide. You’d think I could just go buy one and cross that off my list, right? Well, even teachers live on fixed incomes. I have been offered loaners which I will more than likely accept. This is another concrete reason the Gamers XP community is supporting this foolish mortal in his halfwitted endeavors.

I did fall victim to an impulse buy. I’m a big guy, 6’3” when I can stand up straight, and most of that is from the waist up. So when I saw an “oversized” DM screen on the Tik Tok shop, I was weak. I ordered it. As it is my first, I have no real idea how much bigger it is, but the more material I can hide behind come the 25th, the better. 

So, yes. I am terrified of DMing D&D. I knew it was coming eventually, but that hasn’t made things any easier. Firstly, I turned to a welcoming and supportive community for advice and reassurances. Then, I assessed the most basic of necessities and have (almost) gathered those from what I have laying around or can be loaned. I now have a clearer picture of what I lack and how long I have to address those. I still need to formulate the basics of the adventure. This is the most stressful thing I have done since I sat down at my first session. I am managing that stress by talking with others, listening to their advice, writing this article, and taking my meds to keep me level-headed. So Monday next, the 25th of August 2025, if you hear booms coming from the east, that's not Barksdale. That might be my game imploding! 

Oh yes, again in the sake of transparency, do you know what was more terrifying than knowing I will be DMing? Writing this article about it. So I guess there’s hope yet.

Epilogue.

So the session has come and gone. Here’s a healthy dose of hindsight for you. I never lost the panic; it got more severe as the minutes ticked by. The first thing I did when we sat down to play was apologize for how bad the session was going to be. Materials and supplies, I had them. I had too much stuff; a binder, my DM screen, a notepad, maps (for me and them), goblins minis, a roll of wrapping paper with 1x1” grid on the back, a laptop, and a box of resources filed alphabetically just in case. I had way too much crap. I ended up whittling down to a notepad, the most applicable map, and a copy of the adventure. All those vital information I accumulated from “Things I Wish I Knew Before” and “Top # Things for New Dms” videos vanished from my brain. I had settled on the D&D starter’s set adventurer of Lost Mine of Phandelver. Groundbreaking, I know. My DM screen? Beautiful, tall, lovely, and completely devoid of any information I actually wanted to reference during the game. The good thing is I can swap out the inserts.

The game itself? Horrible. The very first combat encounter would have been a TPK (four goblins vs a monk and a paladin) if not for those three sweet words, “you fall unconscious”. Turns out the paladin forgot to include any spells or weapons other than one sword during his build. The monk? No weapons, just fists. He was literally writing his character sheet from memory as we started the session. They were just fine against melee, but those two archers on the ridge? I never would have imagined in a million years, I would be asking for death saving rolls before an hour had passed. Some quick, and VERY merciful thinking on my part made sure we weren’t doing character rewrites to end the first day. We ended the session with both adventurers taking a short rest outside the mouth of the goblin cave quietly praying some deity would send reinforcements from town soon. I love this game!